Can’t we just all be happy? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our constitutional and God-given right. Right???
Warning: a little self-disclosure is on tap today.
Over the years I have found my way to a therapist’s chair (thank God) for various issues collectively called Life. Some to them include:
A broken heart (by a boy)
A broken heart (by my Mom’s passing)
A broken heart (by my loss of self in the frenetic craziness of life)
A broken heart (by my Dad’s passing)
A broken heart (perceived injustices done to me)
General Anxiety Disorder (GAD!) (caused by the pursuit but non-attainment of happiness)
What is this pursuit business anyway?? It’s like the word ‘try’. All it does is connote good intentions – which are super good and important but come on. It shouldn’t even be a verb. THERE IS NO REAL ACTION IN PURSUING OR TRYING. There is action in BEING AND DOING. One cannot do or be anything until the desired outcome is sited in. True that. So for me pursuing and trying is a necessary part of being happy. It points to the right direction. However, I don’t see the actual movement in effort.
Effort is like gas – you need it to go but at some point you place your foot on the accelerator and in a moment of blind faith just start to move forward. The gas is necessary but not the cause to the effect of moving. It’s all you. Go. Do. Be.
Remember the Steve Winwood/Eric Clapton collaboration?
I am absolutely not old enough to totally know about them as a current band – only a classic duo.
My favorite song is “I’m wasted and I can’t find my way home”. Genius.
Hang with me dear readers (all 2 of you – I love you so much) I have a point I am itching to make. (Notice I didn’t saying ‘trying’ – that would be lame.)
Here is comes: more self disclosure.
I have benefitted from good therapy in chunks over the years. I do not currently go regularly but would if I felt I should. During one of the therapy chapters I remember making a comment that went something like this:
Why can’t I just find a peace-loving, Birkenstock-wearing, dude with a groovy vibe and a spiritual practice?
My therapist said:
Believe me. They have their problems too.
As I have grown and developed my yoga practice I am flummoxed often when I answer the question:
“Does your husband practice yoga with you?”
Here’s the answer: (wait for it)
“Hell to the no.”
He says it’s not really for him. Okay – my belief is, if you have a body, yoga is for you but okay. He does however brag about yoga being the X-factor for our athletic children. And so it begs the questions:
Can yogi’s and non-yogi’s be in good, deep, thriving and growing relationships?
“Hell to the yes.”
How unfulfilling would it be to only interact with people just like us? Affirmation is good but differences inspire thought and expand the realm of possibility. But seriously, can a vegetarian leaning (not yet fully committed) enjoy cooking and eating meals with a solid and true American Sportsman who enjoys provided meat for his family foraged from the forest? Sure.
I am no expert on anything but here are a few tips that seem to work for me in navigating a 16-year-old marriage and 3 kids to a non-yogi who joyfully loves nature and hunting and fishing too.
1. Unapologetically know what resonates with you for fun and fulfillment. Could be yoga. Could be marinating chicken wings for a Superbowl party.
2. Don’t judge but just notice and respect the differences among loved ones.
3. Actively and often engage in those activities that feed your soul.
4. Try something new perhaps from the treasure trove of your partner.
5. Have a lot of Blind Faith.
Go. Do. Be Happy. Don’t try.
Are you in a relationship with a non-yogi? How’s it going?
It’s going great for them.